Counting My blessings! The 'thunder only happens when it's raining' edition.

'A lot of people dream. And while they are dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people, are busy doing. I wanted to be Nobel Prized-Winning author Toni Morrison. That was my dream. I blue-skied it like crazy. I dreamed and dreamed. And while I was dreaming I was living in my sister's basement. Dreamers often end up living in the basement of relatives.' ~ Toni Morrison

                                                               http://passagedelafleur.com

I swore I would not be one of those people that write about food. I swore I wouldn't be one of those people that post a picture on instagram about food and I don't have a personal Facebook account so that settles that, but....

I have a new job and I am loving it people. It is one of the best jobs I have had so far and it is long overdue. It is perfect and I am loving life right now (knock on wood). But that is not what this post is about. There are a few great things that has been happening to me of late, and I have to say this all started way back in June, when I decided to go out on a limb and quit my mediocre job to see what else was out there for me and boy let me tell you, there is a lot. And life is too short, blah blah blahs!

But as not to digressed let's get back to food and dinners and living organisms.

There is this company that I have only recently heard about called Quinciple and they are awesome.
http://www.quinciple.com  This is a company that delivers yummy delicious food weekly to your door or a designated drop off spot in your neighborhood. Where I work, just happen to be one of those designated spots. All you have to do is visit the link and check them out, because really, I am not here to plug them, but just to shed some light on the goodies that they deliver.

Anyways, how it works is that if you order then, every Monday we get these boxes that people would come and pick up, and every week the ingredient changes. The best part about this is that if there is a box left over by the time I close up, then that box is mine. YES! MINE. So the first week that this happened I thought it was too good to be true so I didn't bring it home. Then my boss told me that it's ok I should just email them so that they are aware of the situation.

Weird, right? That's what I thought as well, but.....

The second time this happened was steak night, and boy was I happy. I, for one, have been frowning on the gluten-free, kale loving bourgeois in my neighborhood, but thanks to Quinciple, I am now a huge fan of purple kale and green tomatoes. Did you know that salads are the bomb?And that you can make them for your lunch for free? And that I can now host great dinner parties with amazing produce that I don't have to give up my first born for? Yes, and I have been doing just that and loving it. They also give you these little recipe books that I am yet to take advantage of. I have gotten three boxes so far, and I really do feel bad for the person that didn't show up, and I really do give them the option of calling me if they are running late, and I do stick around and wait for them if they do so.

                                          The first box minus the great cut of ribeye

......but on those nights, when I am finally leaving, and I see that one box. My heart sings and I count my blessings and be grateful for all the selfless acts I have done in my life thus far to bring me to these moments.

Hey, for people that don't live in the city, they will not know the joys of getting free produce. I mean just last week Monday everyone showed up and so I had to do a little grocery shopping and I swear when the cashier told me how much it was I wanted to tell him to put them back. I didn't because I was hungry and I had a great organic red in my bag that I was destined to get home and sip on, but I was secretly cussing my little buorgie 'hood and how much it has changed.

                                                       The stuff from my local grocer! 

But this week I am back in business and I swear I will sign up at Quintuple.com, but I feel bad for the extra box going to waste if there should come a week that someone didn't show up. So I will wait for the Fall when people are back from vacation and then I will. What? I swear, scouts honor!

                                                        The box that inspired this post
Hey go check them out!

September is fast approaching and I am looking forward to my month of no drinking, but until then, I will enjoy these delicious organic wines that you will only get at Passage De La Fleur in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn and yes this is definitely a plug!!!! http://passagedelafleur.com

Hehe

What better way to spend these hot August days than with free produce and Organic wines? Well a hot sexy guy to share them with, but that's another story for another blog! * I am shamelessly winking right now*

Let the dog days begin!
Sleepless

To Be Continued....

~A love addict is someone who is dependent on, enmeshed with, and compulsively focused on taking care of another person~ Pia Mellody

As I was sweeping up and getting ready for the last round of customers, on the final lap of the evening,  I was busily thinking about what I will make myself for dinner. Dinner was the single most important thing in my life at that moment. See, I am a single female living in Brooklyn and so tired of the dating game, that I had officially taken myself off the market.

Took myself off the market, apparently, to focus on things such as my writing, honed my cooking skills, yoga, and daily fulfillment. FYI, I am still getting around to the yoga business. I know, I sound boring, but to be honest, it's really working out for me. Way better than I had imagined. So as to digress a little.

Dating in NYC is complicated. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but whatever, let me put my two cents in. I have been there done that, spend a few months to a few years on the Island. Met some amazing natives. Some I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and others, well let's just say I am still filling out the questionnaire for jury duty, a.k.a the verdict is still out. So now I have given up and settled in. I have everything but the cats, and I am ok with that. Because dating is so exhausting and investing, I'd rather just be and see what happens. I am at that point where I can't see myself with anyone and all the faces seems the same, nothing striking. It has been a while since I have seen A good looking man. The kind that looks you in the eyes and tickles your soul, and get your panties wet. The type that speaks with a genuine kindness and conviction that it's easy to envision him being apart of your life, quickly. The type that will give you bionic powers to hear your own heart beating, while you stop yourself from drooling?

                                                              YES HIM.

I have no idea where he is, or, in who's world he has being keeping himself busy. All I am surrounded by are the boys who might be your friend, but shred every bit of decency when the alcohol sets in. I see the playboys mostly too and their exhausting attempts to try and get into your bed. The boys who are not quite sure if they are ready or just lonely in that moment, but is willing to risk your heart to buy time for themselves. And most of all I see the young ones. The never-ending twenty something that think they know what they want until you ask them what they want, then they scatter like a thief in the night. Always throwing up and being broke, thinking they have all the time in the world.Yes those are the 'men' I meet in Brooklyn.


So you understand why I am off the market, for now!

'In order to become more effective in relationships, we have to understand ourselves -our brains, our habits, our defenses, "why we pick certain people" and "why we do what we do".'

So back to my dinner thoughts.

It was eight thirty-ish and the night had cooled down a bit (summer nights in the BK), and, I was feeling a little drained from the day. That's when I saw him. I pretended like I wasn't watching him in that 'I'm not looking, but checking out the whole package kind of way' and boy did I like what I was seeing. I saw him pulled up to park his bike as he made way into the little wine shop that could. He seems to know what he wanted and he was pleasant.
He said hello and I said hi.
I watched as his reaction changed from rushing in to get a bottle of wine, to looking me over and relaxing. He seemed to know what he wanted as he went straight for it, as not to delay the inevitable. He wanted to talk to me. I stopped sweeping and got around to the counter to cash him out and that's when I saw it. I saw him and my belly fluttered and my heart skipped a beat and all I could say was cash or credit, which wouldn't have been a stupid question if he clearly didn't have his credit card out. He smiled and as he did he soaked me in and said very quietly and directly, "How has your day been going?" I said, "pretty good it's almost over now." He looked up at me and paused and I wasn't sure if he was going to ask me what I was doing next, or if he wasn't quite sure how to. He was as honest as he could have been in that moment, and his eyes were as blue as the bluest oceans, if as that's what happens when he is being most honest.
Those five minutes seemed like the longest hour.  My body, my mind, my heart got jolted back to the present and I felt something that I hadn't felt in the last few months, something that gave me a warm tingling feeling that only we could experience in that exact second, minute and moment.  I felt necessity. The only kind of neediness that those deep blue eyes can gush. And we were interrupted by the next customer who knew that she had walked in on something she couldn't quite place. She just knew she needed her bottle of wine and to get the hell out of the interruption.

I don't know his name. I am sure I will see him again and will get a little bit more about the long day he's had. He left and just like that I am back on the market. Maybe, just maybe, Brooklyn is not so boring and basic after-all......

This is to be continued....

.....and just like that,
Sleepless!

Meet: Iva Rad!

I met Iva (The 'I' in her name is a long 'E', pronounced Eeva), spring time one Saturday night, at Dyneco, Bedstuy! It was one of those nights when I needed a drink, and thought, I am going to get one. I walked in the bar and the only seat left was the one beside her, and, as I proceeded to sit down, we joined in a conversation and the rest as they say is history.....

Ha! No, nobody said that. Just adding an air of class to my blog.

....Anyways,

We got to talking and it turns out that we, among a few things, had films in common and not just watching them, but making them. We shared similar topics such as politics and the refreshing way in which we weren't afraid to talk about everything. I am not sure if it was because we speak the same language (figuratively) when it comes to certain topics, but we also have a knock to be passionate about the things we should be passionate about. She is a gentle soul and is an amazing women to be around. She is quite busy as well and travel the world to tell other peoples' stories so that everyone can partake and join in on the conversations. Stories that unites us and let us know that we are not alone and that we all go through the same bulshit.

Her documentary 'Evaporating Borders' is a must see and it will forever change the way we view politics, people and ourselves. She offers voice overs in such a way, that, it's like she is just chatting with you one on one. Bring a box of tissue, because it will speak to your soul and make you cry. 
 Scratch that, bawl. It will make you bawl!

                                                        
She is usually all about the globe, making memories and living, but on a great day if you are  lucky you can find her in Bedstuy, and if you are me, then you will happen to meet up with her at a lovely little cafe Civil Service on Nostrand. Where you will chat endlessly about everything. But please don't take up too much of her time, this lady is on a mission and it's coming to a theater near you!


'And the award goes to....'

I have to tell you, I saw two great films this year Selma was the first and Evaporating Border comes in second place, but you don't have to take my word for it. If you didn't get a chance to catch a showing at the IFP NY Media Center, June 19th-25th. Then you will have to wait eagerly for it to be released online. http://www.evaporatingborders.com

I am more than honored to be teaming up with her on a project that I know will have magnitude, because she is JUST THAT DAMN great!

 .......And if that is not enough, she has managed to convince me that after her return from Europe, we will brave the scary world of online dating together. This is just for research purposes only. *wink wink*. After all we are artists and we should have materials to write about, right?

HA HA HA

But that's just what I mean, she is fearless and just a good soulful energy to be around.

http://www.ivaasks.com/#/

But enough of the gobble gobble, let's get to know Iva in her own words...

Name: Iva Radivojevic

Age: 34

Status: Always in Love

Language(s): Yugoslavian, Greek, English

Zodiac Sign: Libra

Job: Filmmaker


Hail From: Yugoslavia

Where Ya Bed At: Bed Stuy

Why NYC: At this point, because it's addictive

Best Place To Eat In The City: Mogador and Madiba

When's Bedtime: I'm an insomniac.

What's The One Thing You Have With You At All Times: Water

How Old Would You Be If You Didn't Know How Old You were: 27 or 18

If Happiness Was The National Currency, What Kind Of Work Would Make You Rich: Travel

Would You Break The Law To Save A Loved One: Absolutely, I'd break it even if it wasn't a loved one

A Sucker For: Bread and olive oil

Next 3 Years: Wonder, expansion, adventure, love

What Is Your Greatest Fear: Settling

If You Could Tell The World One Thing: Make a love connection everyday

Favorite Thing You Have Ever Done With A Friend: Set up camp and spent a week completely naked on a quiet island.

Where Will  You Be When You Die: Asleep

Sex With One Person Past Or Present: Laurence Fishburne in Boyz n the Hood

If You Could Only Have Dinner With Three People For The Rest Of Your Life, Whom:  Jorge Luis Borges, Arundhati Roy, Caetano Veloso

Worst Thing About The City: The cages, on the bridges, on our windows, around the buildings, around the rivers...

The last gig you did:  Edited a film called "MA"

This love affair  you have with film making: It's the only way I can truly communicate.

If life is so short, what would you rather spend your days doing:  Being intensely present

What's next for you: Love, it looks like

So we came, we bought the book, we read and we met Iva! She is a gem and get ready to be hearing a lot more from her in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Spread your wings and fly, Mama! The world is your oyster!

Damn it's Summer!

Sleepless.

If We All Sing One Song....

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Until the philosophy which hold one race superior and another inferior, is finally, and permanently, discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war- Robert Nestor Marley

As I was eagerly waiting on a table of four a few nights ago, I couldn't help but over heard a little bit of the conversation at hand.
This was a table with three Caucasians and an Asian woman. The two elder Caucasians, who appeared to be visiting Brooklyn, was in a jolly old mood. I know this, because the older gentleman made a 'joke' as I tried to take away his empty plate, saying that he hated everything. (This is something only parents from the mid west would say, so dare I stereotype). They seemed to be the parent of the caucasian male whom I believed to be in his early 30's. Then there was the Asian female whom I will assume is in her late 20's to early 30's. I wasn't quite sure of the dynamics of the group and frankly I didn't really care. For me, they were just customers To Insure Proper Service for excellent T.I.P.S.,  and to get them on their way in a timely fashion, so I can place another four at said table.
Needless to say, as I was clearing their plates and as they await the main course, I could hear the young male stating to the Asian woman, as in the form of a question, "Teriyaki is just water with soy sauce and sugar, right?",  to which she responded, "Why are you asking me? I'm not Japanese." I couldn't helped but smile as I looked over to the guy who was not phased in any way by that statement, as he continued to 'impress' his parents with the ignorance of knowledge that he knew.

I walked away feeling a little embarrass for the guy and to what extent?

I hear comments like these everyday. Hell, I get comments like these in 2014 more than I should. I live in NYC. Shit,  Brooklyn for that matter,  in an area where artists of like mindedness come together to form a little community of tolerance around an Art University, Pratt. I believe that if there was ever a place that racism would cease to exist, then it should be the place.  Was I led to believe this? (There I dare to stereotype).  This a place, where no matter where you were from, around the world, you can't help but to congregate in the same restaurants, apartment buildings, heck, apartments for that matter (the NYC roommate system), bars, churches, schools, subways, sharing the same utensils and the same lives. A place where any given day you will see couples of different racial backgrounds, hanging out with friends of different cultural backgrounds. A place where people don't refer to you by the color of your skin, but by the content of your character (Dr. King would be proud?). A place where you will see the  most deem African sista' with the most astute Asian man. A community where a white girl from the middle of France will proclaim her love for the black man and him only. Conversations where you can hear an Italian man saying that he hasn't dated or been with an Italian woman in years. Yes! This Place, in a little hill in Brooklyn, close to the water and the Bridges, where the only train that exist, isolates you from the city. It is a haven of individuality, funky cafes, thrift shops, baby strollers, brunch menus in the middle of the week, cozy restaurants and dive bars with no windows. A place where cash only is acceptable with ATMs illuminating from every windows.

SO WHY ARE WE STILL SO RACIST?

I know this may seem like a bold question but it is true and very real on every level. The notions of children living what they learn is in full form and it's the problem we can not seem to shake, even in 2014.


Until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes....-Robert Nestor Marley.

There has been a lot of racial uprising in the media of late, and it had me thinking of questions like: How tolerant can one person be to just how tolerant are we?
What is our deciding factor for if push should come to shove?
What is it that we will stand up for?
How many relationships will cease to exist?

I get it. I am just as racist as the next person standing beside me on the train, the next person sitting beside me in the restaurants, heck my boss, who has interracial girls with a literal quarter of their existence coinciding with my existence (Jamaicans), but, will be the first one to tell me one night after we are closing up and everyone being concerned about the up coming christmas season, where crime rates seem to go up, and me being concerned with the fact if I, a female, should brave the fifteen minutes walk to my house at midnight, or fuck it and take a 3min cab ride ($8) to my house, would loudly say to me "What are you afraid of? You are Black and they (meaning only black people rob people) will not bother you".
Needless to say, I was pressured into walking home, because it was cold out and the time I would have to wait for a cab to 'pick ME up,' I could be home and snuggled in the comfort of my warm abode.  Sadly this is also another thing I have grown accustomed to, living in the BIG CITY, THE CAPITAL OF THE WOLRD!



As a black woman, I occasionally get that little fear in my belly when I see a yellow cab approaching. The fear of 'if he is about to pull some bulshit and not pick me up' or worst, if I get in the cab after a long day, on a cold night, is he going to ask me,"You pay cash or credit?" (But there I dare to stereotype) before he drives off in the direction of my house. And he will drop me home and relax after he finds out where I am going, because my 'neighborhood' is considered 'Safe' and 'White'. And I am not making myself out to be a victim of racial profiling, because what good would come of that? I am just stating the fact the a 'Brown cab driver on any given night would rather pass me by, a 'sober female sister ',  in a rain storm or the iciest of snow, to race and pick up a drunken caucasian male, who I know for a fact will somehow throw up in the cab, or better yet my personal favorite, would be so drunk that he will pass out immediately as he gets in the cab prompting the driver to drive aimlessly around in 'White Neighborhoods' looking for an apartment that he knows nothing about, only to end up having to call the cops, where in cases like these, the said drunk guy has no money because he gave it all to the bartender at the many bar he's been to all fucking night.
But hey, there I dare to stereotype!
'Stories like these gives me a little self satisfaction in and of my racism!'

SO WHY ARE WE STILL  SO RACIST?

I believe a large part of this stems from the lack of knowledge and not being exposed to cultural differences. And even though we all move to the big city to live among the colorful. We maintain our little cliques and 'stick to our own' in little groups, while we learn nothing of the differences among us and we don't partake in the little differences that really should unite us as the only race we have anything fully in common with.


The Human Race!

We tend to speak in terms of 'them' and 'they' only to stop ourselves when 'them' or 'they' are apart of the conversation. Giving these foolish notions bigger meanings. We tend to get so caught up in the little petty matters of 'Why we are still single or which dating site is the newest format of getting laid', that we don't make use of the freest of them all, COEXISTING WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS. Saying "Hi!" as we walk down the street and giving a smile to the person next to you on the subway. Instead out of fear, or maybe a form of entitlement, we carry on about our business with our headphones, and our phone mails, and our social media apps, too busy engulfed in that form of society to see the bigger picture and the world around. Always getting mad at the tourist who is simple asking for directions, because they are really not from around here and we are. Blindly watching while the old pervert grinds up against the young miss on her way to work, and the young schoolboy helping himself to the commuters money, who fell asleep after a hard days work.

These are the makings of a racist be! 

We tend to over look these small casualties of everyday life, but won't second a thought to post something on social media that is happening around the world, to garner a few likes or to make it seem like we really care, when in the end the means are not being justified. I am sick of it all and would love it if just for a week the internet would cease to exist and we would have no choice but to love our neighbors as we would ourselves and to do unto him as he would to us! Hell I would take a month if it means that we would all just look at people as people in their rare forms and not just a body or a group.

If love is the basis of it all, and  love is in all of us, then why is it so hard to pass along? Why do we do racial bulshit to people who shit, breathe, eat, pee, bleed, love, laugh, live, die and exist as we do? Why are we so stupid to feel like we are the only people doing these things while 'THEY' and 'THEM' miraculously survive by divine intervention?

WHY ARE WE STILL SO RACIST?

And while I am on this topic, a multicast 'Annie', really?

As a hard-knock life would dub me,
Sleepless!

If It Wasn't For You I'd Be On My Own.

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'Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever'.-Keri Russell

I was thinking of days to come and then it dawned on me, why do we plan for the future when many of us never get to partake in it?

Do you ever feel like you needed a new version of what you are? Who you think you are?

Life is a fickle bitch. The worst thing about it, is that, we have no control over the things we wish the most.

I have been looking in the four corners, and I've come to realized that maybe, either, I am one of the lucky ones, or, I haven't been living quite as much. You know that thing, where when someone asked you 'how you are doing?' and you say 'good', until that one day when someone corrects you and tell you that the word you are looking for is well? Because as people, we can't be "doing good" we can only be "doing well". As silly as this may sound, I am exactly there today and yes, I am living.

Summer went by really fast, and up until today, I hadn't even realized that we had a summer. NYC seems like it was just one big spring, minus the earlier months of winter. So as a ritual, I took the month off 'no drinking', this year, in september and this month came at the right pace. I am having a time of reflection and it makes me realize how much I have grown in 2014.

January,
Started off as just another winter's tale. It was the month for resolutions and what nots. I am not a believer in resolutions, because they never stick, but this year I made a promise to myself to get it right. So first stop was to change the energy of things I was surrounded with. I was no longer going up, I was not coming down. I was in a state of constant sideways. I thought it was just the winter blues and so I cling to the things I thought would suffice this, suffice me. That was a crack pot of shit. It was like nothing was right and no matter how I tried my damnest,  I just couldn't shake that feeling.

February,
Rolled around and the sideways were extending. It was cold. I drowned myself into work and whiskey. Work and whiskey was what I remembered most about February, and the constant loneliness, and no one to share my whiskey with. People got shit going on, and, I only seemed to find them when they needed to unload on me. So yes, February was about work, whiskey, whines and the never failing insomnia. February left me empty like the wine bottles on my floor.

March,
You would think spring would help. but, spring never came, and when it finally did, I decided that turning 35 should be something to celebrate. Who was there to celebrate with? I realized I had no friends. I knew people and lots of them. Always too much of them. I am getting a headache just thinking about all the people I know. Snow was still on the ground and work and whiskey wasn't serving the purpose anymore, so with a turn of event that I didn't see coming, on the night of my "birthday" dinner, I kicked the last thread of humans out of my house and out of my life for good. And then something miraculously happened...

April,
....Spring!!!!!
Who would have known that it was THAT burden off of my shoulders I needed to kick start this wonderful purpose of self realization? And It was April that brought me back and forced me to look in that stupid mirror and see the person staring back at me for what I was. I told myself no more. No more bulshit. No more shit from people who cares only about themselves. No more going above and beyond, unless it had ME written all over it. I found a new voice and it spoke. Who would have thought it could say no and meant every letter?
 N. O. 
But it saved me and I knew for certain that it was time to choose that path and enjoy it.

May,
You wonderful son of a bitch, you. You saw me at my bud. I sprung forth and there you were waiting to accept me. With you came introspect and motivation and inspiration. I wrote something I never had the guts to write, and I finished it, and it was beautiful. I started to be at peace and then happiness took over and the noes got easier, and the yeses where more certain and I have now come into my own. In years gone by, I never really cared too much about May, let's face it, what did May really have to offer?
Exams, getting ready for exams and summer breaks and missing friends and just stupid childish merriments.
But this May was the mold. It was the moment I found a voice that I can be proud of and so I decided to tell June.

June,
You wonderful feeling of sunlight on my skin. I never felt sunlight like this before and the pleasantries were appealing. I began to meet more people and the blessings of June could make me spot a phony from a mile off, but that was not the main course. I was inspired to make a short film. Summer was fast approaching and Brooklyn has never seemed lovelier. And then the promises, and the careless whispers, and the backyard bbqs, and the rooftop gathering(that mostly felt like Autumn), and the late night bar gibberish and late night cab fares that spilled over in...

July,
...Such a busy month. Man was it? I did everything. I was even smack dab in the middle of the desert (Vegas) for a wedding and it was hot as hell, and far, and expensive and a waste of my time, but none the less another reunion of old college friends and the promises of keeping in touch, that will never be and the 'what are you up to now?' and ex that you are happy that you dodge that bullet away from, far far away from, and the big city gal versus the rest of the world that kept their lives going at an even pace, and the 'I can't wait to get back to the big city so I don't have to talk about THAT subject anymore'. And since we are on THAT topic, I don't know why I AM STILL SINGLE, maybe it's a New York City thing, or, maybe I am just suppose to be single at this time in my life. Catch you at the next reunion. I should have a plus one by then (smiles) *applauds*.
I was just so happy to return to normalcy, but not before I decided that this current job situation was not working out for me, so I quit one job on Sunday, had my usual day off on Monday and then started a new job on Tuesday.
Ha!
Did I know things were going to pen out like that?
Nope!
But that's 2014 for you. It has a way of letting me know that the small stuff is no longer sweat worthy, and before you know it's freaking....

August.
Yes the last of the dog days, or, so we were led to believe. I smiled a lot in August. I worked on my script and I perfected it. I saw the screening of the web series and it was a very great night.
It was superb!
One of the second best moments of this year so far. It was just as I imagine. A time with the people who truly cared and moments that were written in time, eons ago. Moments that are reserve for conversations on a porch with grandchildren. August had me making money and saving it and enjoying the last of the long days and late nights, and getting to know new people and loving the sweet taste of wine, and Brooklyn, and dinner parties, and cooking, and laughters, and televisions in the middle of living rooms that was not there before, and being fearless and living for today.

September
Sober September. Four and a half weeks long and I am loving it. I did some yoga the other day and my back is back to normal. September you are my tranquility. You love the smoothest, and the most forgiving. You are my soul mate and my best friend. You keep showing me that all is possible and that the best is only before me. You make me remember why I am me and that I should never forget it. Especially when the conversations start to sound like monkey's poop and cat's vagina. That I should  stick it out and write scripts, that will change the world one day. You give me inspiration on the subway, on my walks to work, talking with customers and you make me laugh everyday.
You make me laugh everyday! 
You are chasing away demons that had haunted me all of 2013 and you make me know, that even when I think I am alone, that I have the inner peace and strength to comfort me. I smell everything and see it all now. I hear the sounds of the distance trains as I walk above ground. I see the shops that were there for years but I was too busy focused on nothing. I take it day by day and will do nothing to change that.
I love!
I love now,
                  openly,
                              forgivingly,
                                                 willingly,
                                                                 romantically,
                                                                                       selflessly,
                                                                                                       selfishly
                                                                                                                     and worry free.
I LOVE!

And with only eight more days to go until I have my first sip of whatever it is that I will sip on first. I will look forward to October and will let the good times roll.


As Fall is about to have its way with me,
Sleepless.

Don't Take It Personal (The Monkey's Poop and Cat's Vagina Syndrome)

I think I just figured out why some people are just so boring most of the time. I have a theory and hear me out for a minute.

It's the Monkey Poop Cat's vagina Syndrome.

Imagine you're meeting somebody for the first time and they decided to talk about a Monkey's poop? At first you would be like, "ok if you want to talk about Monkey's poop then I'm all in". It's all apart of getting to know someone and if it's Monkey's poop, then, so be it.

So the next time you hang out they bring up the topic of a Monkey's poop again, and you obliged,  because maybe the monkey pooped in their mouth and leave a bad taste. So you listen, because, clearly Monkey's poop is important to them.

Now the third time you hang out, Monkey's poop somehow rears its ugly head, and all you can think about is why can't you tell me something about a Cat's vagina?

Maybe it's just me, but I would think that no one wants to hear about Monkey's poop and a Cat's vagina for more than two conversation tops!

This now becomes a boring topic, what if you wanted to talk about a Cat's vagina and because the person is so fixated on Monkey's poop, you can't get a word in about a Cat's vagina.

This is crazy and if you get what I am saying you will know.

I mean if you are telling me about something that I don't give a Rat's ass about it's like talking about Monkey's poop with me, as I would think my boring story would seem like talking about a Cat's vagina. I mean let it go and for the sake of getting to know someone, talk about ice creams and blueberries. Mix it up a little. I'm not saying you can't talk about Monkey's poop and I can't talk about Cats' vaginas, All I am saying is, if your story has become boring it's probably monkey's poop to me.

Just a little spring humor!

As always,
Sleepless

Irie Christmas In The Sun (Jamaican Christmas)

Christmas is my favourite time of year. I can't imagine being more happy. I think It has everything to do with the Christmases I have had growing up.  It so strange how children live what they learn and learn what they live, because, Christmas time I believe help to shape the human mind. I have a theory and hear me out, I am no expert and I have no Phd in this sort of thing but, I believe that you can tell the type of person a human will be if you examine their first few christmases. No I am not saying that this generalization is etched in stone, I am mainly stating that, in more cases than few, you will see the similarities. If you don't believe me just ask this question the next time you are getting to know someone. The answer will tell you the type of person you are dealing with.

Now let me take you on a trip down memory lane.

My earliest memories can be traced back to when I was two years old. I know this because I could remember hanging out with my grandmother a lot and this was before I started Basic school (kindergarten for you Americans reading this).  I however do not remember my first Christmas or am I going to try, but what happens next is my recollection of my first twelve Christmases.

I remembered the days leading up to Christmas like it was yesterday. This all started about two weeks into December. I remembered walking home from school with my sisters, cousins and friends. We would pick the 'crismuss grass' (Para or Guinea grass) as we would call it, and put it in the sleeves of our tunics to see how far this dead grass would crawl on its own.  We would be astonished to know that it could do that when we would find it in our bosoms. This 'crismuss grass' only seems to miraculously appear during Christmas time. This was also right around the time JBC would start to air 'Greetings from the UK'. Who remember dis? This is a program where your relatives that were in England would send Christmas greetings to families back home.

We couldn't wait for the last friday, when the last bell rang so we can buy balloons and whatever little toys we could buy with the money that we saved from our lunch money and we would walk home and talk about what we would be doing for Christmas. Now if you had a big yard like we did in the country, you would know that it was time to cut the grasses, which my mother or grandmother would hire a guy that lived in my neighborhood to do. They cut the grass (lawn) and we the kids (pickney dem) would have to rake them up in heaps for burning. Now this means that Christmas was just around the corner. Next every single house in the neighborhood would be getting a paint job, because it wouldn't be Christmas if you house nuh look criss. Meaning it wouldn't be Christmas, if your house wasn't nicely painted, with new curtains, pepper lights (Christmas lights) Christmas carols on the radio (and in my house most of the Christmas carols were bible based) and the house was spotless. Everything was in top shape for all the relatives that would be home for Christmas. Christmas in Jamaica is a big Family holiday so your house was going to be filled with lots of families, nyammings (eatings) and merriment. Christmas time in Jamaica everybody comes home. 

Now if you are not familiar with sorrel I suggest you take a moment to google it and go out and buy some before you continue reading….

Just joking!

But yes sorrel was one of my greatest nightmare during Christmas time (well the picking of the sorrel I should say). They would have to be picked, dried a little and then boiled before Christmas eve so that it can be ready for Christmas day. Sorrel is one of the best things about Christmas, because when paired with Wray and Nephew white rum and some Red Label Wine. (Red Label Wine, turn on di trills). Oh I can remember hiding and taking some without anyone noticing.  It was the only time you could get a little taste of alcohol without having the skin torn off your back, so of course it was something to look forward to. You can have it without alcohol but what would be the fun in that.

But anyways back to the sorrel picking. It can be described as a red flower like plant that has a lot of pricks or needle like tentacles on the leave itself. Which usually get in your fingers and skin while you take the leaves off. The needle like tentacles we call 'Macka' in Patois. I can tell you so many stories about me trying to pass my pile on to others, but I won't because they always end with me getting a good beating.  My mother always makes the best egg nags for Christmas morning and her secret ingredient was condense milk and Dragon Stout. Delicious so til.

Sorrel Ingredient:

1 pound sorrel

2-4 oz. ginger
2 quarts water
sugar
wine (optional)
8-12 pimento grains

METHOD:
Wash sorrel thoroughly, using the fingers to lift it from the water. Put into stainless steel container.
Scrape and wash ginger. Grate and Add to the sorrel. Add pimento grains. Boil water and pour over sorrel. Allow to stand 4-6 hours. Strain. Sweeten to taste and add rum to taste. Add optional wine. Serve with ice cubes.

Aye bwoy!

Now I don't care who you were or where you lived in Jamiaca, every town or as we would say 'ebbry cribiss and corner' had a Grandmarket. Now Grandmarket was the shit. This is the one time of the year we were allowed to go out and stay out late and shop. The streets were lined with venders and stalks selling everything Christmas. It was our way of enjoying the day before the family day and also to get our Christmas shopping in. There would be festivities for both adults and children.  Now see I was raised in a household where being rude as a kid was never conceived of. We couldn't be out of our beds much less out of the house after 8pm, unless you were with a consenting adult, and when I say consenting I mean your Mother. Plus we were afraid of Duppy (Ghost). But not Christmas Eve. All Duppy aside. It was the time to get to the nearest town and buy toys, dollies, candies, toto, drops, and gizzardas. It was just a day of Jonkanoo, fun and merriment and everybody have on brand new clothes and shoes, because God forbid you leave your house in an outfit that wasn't new. It was like everyone could tell. Maybe it was a silent rule, but that was just how that was. I mean this was the night to finally spend all the money that you were saving, plus all the money that you got from relatives abroad who couldn't make it for this Christmas. 'Farin' money was the best. The streets were packed with vendors selling all kind of Christmas festivities and jerk chicken, pork, roast and boiled corns, roast yam, salt fish, roast breadfruit and things that were left over from the day, because nobody wanted to go home with anything they came to sell. 

(Grand Market dates back to slavery. On this day the slaves would get all dressed up and meet at convenient locations where they could socialize. Others slaves would sell all kinds of homemade items, like strawhats and baskets made from bamboo and brooms made from tash.

They entertained themselves by singing and playing drums which were made from the the skin of animals like goats and cattle, despite what they were going through they still manage to have some fun. As Grand Market evolved from earlier years, the fun remains the same with the kids looking forward to this day as the most important of the Christmas holiday.)

As I can recall all of the major food for Christmas day was prepared on Christmas eve, and as a child I remembered not wanting to go to sleep because I was afraid I would miss something.  The fruit cakes ( this is a traditional cake that is prepared in every household in Jamaica for Christmas. It's made with fresh fruits that are usually soaked in the Jamaican white run for months. You can get a little light headed from the cake. It is that good) Sorrel, ham, roast pork and beef. The only thing that was saved for Christmas day was the chicken and the rice and peas. Oh every single meal known to man was available for Christmas dinner. That is just how we roll in Jamaica. We are not afraid to eat.

                                                           Jamaican Fruit Cake

Now Christmas morning was the best. As we say in Patois 'wi gladbag buss' (being extremely happy). We would be up by 6 am for prayer meetings with every single person in the house.  Have to start the day off right, remembering why we are celebrating Christmas to begin with. Whether you want to or not. Prayer meetings usually last from 30mins to an hour, then presents time. I mean we always know what we were getting because we didn't believe in Santa. Well maybe now-a-days pickney, because everything is becoming so foreign with the easy access to everything. Then we would move on to the Christmas day breakfast. This is usually ackee and salt fish, breadfruit ( usually roast and then fried), fried plantains, boiled bananas, coffee and tea. Then we would all shower after breakfast and get dress in our 'decent' yard clothes because no doubt as soon as about 10 am that's when all the relatives will be arriving for a full day of eating and hanging out and children playing and just pure fun.  Christmas dinners were usually served in late afternoon. This is when we bring out the big guns of food and eat and share stories and hang out and laugh and just have a good time. Then the dessert is always the fruit cake with some red label wine. Yummy!!!! This would go on all day.
                         

                                                              A Typical Jamaican Breakfast

                                                        Ackee and saltfish with calaloo

December 26 would roll around and we would eat leftovers from Christmas day. This is Boxing day and this is usually a beach holiday to hang out with immediate families or friends that you didn't get to see on Christmas day. People would go to the beach and have small picnics and listen to music and chill. If you were old enough you might go to Sting. This is an annual international concert that takes place in Portmore, St Catherine. It usually features all the hottest reggae artist and some of the hottest international stars. This is a big deal in the entertainment industry and it can make or break some of the dominant artists. Sounds clashes are pretty popular here. This is when two rival artists takes the stage to battle it out.

The last Sunday in December is usually known as Christmas Sunday. And let me tell you if you haven't been to church all year, you are sure enough to put on your sunday best and head to church.

So there you have it. I am sure I am leaving out a few things. But one thing I know is that Christmas was always filled with love, gratitude and belly full.

Happy New Year!!!
Sleepless

34 random things for 34 Random years….

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I,  clearly,  don't have much to do this evening so I am entertaining myself until I can get to watch The Voice. I love days like these where the only thing I get to do is nothing. I rarely have days like these so when I do I relish in them.

We think too much constantly and do too much regardlessly. We never take the time out to be thankful and appreciate the smaller things in life. Like the mare fact that there is someone out there, whom to them, we are the world. We never stop to say thank you.

Thank you!

My Mother inspires me everyday and it took me this long to realized that. She gives me strength and keeps me going.

I am thankful for the amazing family I have. My sisters are my everything.  Karene, Sophia, Nadine and Keisha. I think about them all the time and they always know how to cheer me up and make me feel better. I still miss my sunday dinners with Keisha or just my talks about nothing with Karen which we do now via Whatsapp. Not so much the same though, but we all know these days would come when we have to venture out into our own lives, right?

I have been blessed with a lot of acquaintances, but not many best friends that knows me inside out. Knows how much of a pain in the ass I can be and knows that I love them regardlessly. They don't have to worry about hurting my feelings because they know me oh too well. They know that it is not the hurting of my feelings I worry about, but it is the lack of feelings from humanity that drives me insane.

I have been blessed with one:

                                                            Cameca.

Mooksie ,we have known each other for over 22 years. Damn that is a long time to know someone. No wonder you annoys the shit out of me with how much you know me. It also doesn't hurt that we share the same birthday. May your days be long and may you find the right person who is lucky enough to have the chance to be loved by you.
                                                     
Thank You!


1) I LOVE GOD and my family more than I should

2) I have only been in love once. I was 23. (That's more then eleven years ago)

3) I believe in individuality...to each his own.

4) I will always choose Fiji. It is my secret place on earth.

5) I hate concerts or most live event for that matter. The constant noise makes me want to kill cats!

6) I already know how my wedding dress is gonna look!

7) I love sex in the middle of the afternoon!

8) I have a tendency to move on from people real easily. If I truly think you are worth it I will fight for you.

9) I like to be up when the world is asleep. Gives me peace.

10) I secretly love babies and can not wait to see how mine is gonna turn out.

11) I LOVE SUNDAY AFTERNOONS.

12) I love my own company, I can easily be alone and not be lonely.

13) I get annoyed easily with stupidity and repetitions, so if I happen to just suddenly disappear, well then you know why.

14) If I want to tell you something you will know, too many questions drive me crazy.

15) I LOVE WITH MY WHOLE HEART.

16) I don't know how to communicate in love. I am more of a shower than a talker.

17) I don't know how to defend myself. I am working on it.

18) I wont hold a grudge.

19) I think if NYC is one of the best places on this earth, then Brooklyn is the icing on that cake!

20 I am the BIGGEST procrastinator.

21) I watch everything online, everything.

22) I hate labels, bigotry and discriminations

23) I truly believe no man is an Island.

24) I want to live well into my 90s if not 100.

25) My aspiration is to retired to a small island, to own a bar and to have a big loving family

26) I never went through a phase of "hating" my mother.

27) I went to an all girls boarding school for high school.

28) I smoked weed every day for the last 2 1/2 years in college. Knowing me today you wouldn't have guessed that. I did it because I was bored in school constantly and I did still manage to graduate 3 1/2years.

29) I had my first real job when I was 24. I was a beauty advisor for Origins at a Macy's counter In Aventura Mall, North Miami.

30) I want to travel the world and write. I will publish a book or three.

31) I would like to live in Australia for at least a year.

32) I would love to get to as close as I can to the South Pole.

33) I want to get married. Once, forever.

34) I do not believe that ignorance is bliss. I believe ignorance is bulshit and a cop out.

This is December 2013, Oh WOW!

Sleepless