~A love addict is someone who is dependent on, enmeshed with, and compulsively focused on taking care of another person~ Pia Mellody
As I was sweeping up and getting ready for the last round of customers, on the final lap of the evening, I was busily thinking about what I will make myself for dinner. Dinner was the single most important thing in my life at that moment. See, I am a single female living in Brooklyn and so tired of the dating game, that I had officially taken myself off the market.
Took myself off the market, apparently, to focus on things such as my writing, honed my cooking skills, yoga, and daily fulfillment. FYI, I am still getting around to the yoga business. I know, I sound boring, but to be honest, it's really working out for me. Way better than I had imagined. So as to digress a little.
Dating in NYC is complicated. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but whatever, let me put my two cents in. I have been there done that, spend a few months to a few years on the Island. Met some amazing natives. Some I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and others, well let's just say I am still filling out the questionnaire for jury duty, a.k.a the verdict is still out. So now I have given up and settled in. I have everything but the cats, and I am ok with that. Because dating is so exhausting and investing, I'd rather just be and see what happens. I am at that point where I can't see myself with anyone and all the faces seems the same, nothing striking. It has been a while since I have seen A good looking man. The kind that looks you in the eyes and tickles your soul, and get your panties wet. The type that speaks with a genuine kindness and conviction that it's easy to envision him being apart of your life, quickly. The type that will give you bionic powers to hear your own heart beating, while you stop yourself from drooling?
YES HIM.
I have no idea where he is, or, in who's world he has being keeping himself busy. All I am surrounded by are the boys who might be your friend, but shred every bit of decency when the alcohol sets in. I see the playboys mostly too and their exhausting attempts to try and get into your bed. The boys who are not quite sure if they are ready or just lonely in that moment, but is willing to risk your heart to buy time for themselves. And most of all I see the young ones. The never-ending twenty something that think they know what they want until you ask them what they want, then they scatter like a thief in the night. Always throwing up and being broke, thinking they have all the time in the world.Yes those are the 'men' I meet in Brooklyn.
So you understand why I am off the market, for now!
'In order to become more effective in relationships, we have to understand ourselves -our brains, our habits, our defenses, "why we pick certain people" and "why we do what we do".'
So back to my dinner thoughts.
It was eight thirty-ish and the night had cooled down a bit (summer nights in the BK), and, I was feeling a little drained from the day. That's when I saw him. I pretended like I wasn't watching him in that 'I'm not looking, but checking out the whole package kind of way' and boy did I like what I was seeing. I saw him pulled up to park his bike as he made way into the little wine shop that could. He seems to know what he wanted and he was pleasant.
He said hello and I said hi.
I watched as his reaction changed from rushing in to get a bottle of wine, to looking me over and relaxing. He seemed to know what he wanted as he went straight for it, as not to delay the inevitable. He wanted to talk to me. I stopped sweeping and got around to the counter to cash him out and that's when I saw it. I saw him and my belly fluttered and my heart skipped a beat and all I could say was cash or credit, which wouldn't have been a stupid question if he clearly didn't have his credit card out. He smiled and as he did he soaked me in and said very quietly and directly, "How has your day been going?" I said, "pretty good it's almost over now." He looked up at me and paused and I wasn't sure if he was going to ask me what I was doing next, or if he wasn't quite sure how to. He was as honest as he could have been in that moment, and his eyes were as blue as the bluest oceans, if as that's what happens when he is being most honest.
Those five minutes seemed like the longest hour. My body, my mind, my heart got jolted back to the present and I felt something that I hadn't felt in the last few months, something that gave me a warm tingling feeling that only we could experience in that exact second, minute and moment. I felt necessity. The only kind of neediness that those deep blue eyes can gush. And we were interrupted by the next customer who knew that she had walked in on something she couldn't quite place. She just knew she needed her bottle of wine and to get the hell out of the interruption.
I don't know his name. I am sure I will see him again and will get a little bit more about the long day he's had. He left and just like that I am back on the market. Maybe, just maybe, Brooklyn is not so boring and basic after-all......
This is to be continued....
.....and just like that,
Sleepless!
