Do guys really expect Ladies to put out on a first date?.. AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX!

So these days I am in the business of dating, and I find this hard to believe, and I wish I could figure this out, for the sake of proving that there are still some gentlemen or women for that matter, left in this world, so I will try and keep an open mind.

Its funny coz I remember when a first date means, you go on a "decent" date, have dinner and then part ways after the evening is over. So, why now I see more and more first dates ending the morning after?

For instance take Fiona, a beautiful and talented 28 year old single gal in the city. She is on the hunt to find MR PERFECT (which really doesn’t exist). She hails from a great home and has the potential for great things. So why is it that a date for her has to be the "oops" factor the morning after? Are we expecting too much sexually that we can’t wait  for a decent amount of dates before we bed? Or are we being too hard on ourselves? Why are we in such a rush to skip the stages of relationships? Once again, are we being too hard on ourselves? 

AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX! I will come back to that. 

Yully, a girl from down the block, is a very beautiful and blunt human being….give her a few drinks and she is on the hunt or becomes a prey for someone who is on the hunt. Again, are we selling ourselves too short,  even if we take the guy home and not sleep with him? This is a total stranger that we welcome into our homes and lives. He, for all we know, could be the next serial killer or just for the sake of our hearts, a serial dater. When did we become so desperate that we will give up our safety in the pursuit of finding Mr Right? Is this a result of society or the environment that we live in? Is it putting too much pressure on us to give in too easily?

AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX!

I read an article, in the Huffington Post a few months ago, which really opened my eyes to the dating world of NYC. This was in itself one of the truest form of reading on dating in NYC. I really don't know where the damn article is at the moment, and I really don't have the time to Google it.  It was just stating that the ratio of women to men living in the city is 3>1. This giving men the advantage of picking several mates simultaneously to see which one he likes. This is a situation related to the TV show "The Bachelor". With these odds in favor of men, of course they are always gonna come out the victor. This however, by no means, has to let a Lady feel the need to lesson her standards. 

AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX!

Haven't you heard of the phrase "two can play this game"? Just because the odds are in favor of men, doesn't mean that we as ladies don't have a fair playing field. We just need to think more clearly on the options that we set for ourselves. This is not taking away from the few of us that really just wanna have fun. I say to each their own. Just don't bitch about it the next day. Hold your own and make no excuses!

AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX!

But is it the men to be blame for this shift in dating? Or is it us as females that are letting this kind of male behavior stifle our culture? We can rethink that last glass of wine or whiskey if it means that tomorrow we can wake up guilt free or the walk of  the shameless, for the lack of a better word. 

AFTER ALL IT'S JUST SEX! 

Come on, are we still in college? And also do we really expect a whole lot or a lifetime of love, from someone who really doesn't have the decency to say, "It was a lovely evening. I will talk to you tomorrow".  Boys will be boys, it is engraved in them from earlier on to think with their genitals at all times. I mean, if we can't say no and we should be the more tolerable beings (withholding sex the longest),  then how can we expect that from someone who is gung ho with the baby batter continuosly on their brains? GEES IT'S JUST SEX!. Whether we chose to have it or not. Just OWN whatever your stands on that matter may be.

I will leave you all with a little quote from an article that I came across last night

[Ask E. Jean: How long should I wait to sleep with a man? I don’t want to give it up too soon, but I don’t want him to lose interest.
A: You can sleep with a man as you’re being introduced, for all Auntie Eeee cares. It’s what you do afterward that seals the deal. If you cling like a needy dingbat, forget it. If you let him know he’s a marvel but not the only marvelous thing in your life, he’ll desire you even more intensely.

http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/ask-e-jean-25-things-every-woman-should-know-512948

YAAY! One for Auntie E.

To be a Gentleman and a Woman, means owning up to your desires guilt free and shamelessly.

So I say, is it really the guys who expect us to put out or are we the ones responsible for these expectations?

Sleep on it,
Sleepless

What a wonderful world this can be...

So this is Thursday, March 24, 2011 and the night started off at about 5:30pm. I went to get the G to head into the city for a Post bday celebration with Daphnee. Did I also mentioned that I can't be late. The G however had other plans for me. I tried to swipe my card but for some reasons it wouldn't let me in. I was there and a few people came swiped their cards and they got in. I decided to purchase a new card and guess what the same thing happened and then I heard the train coming. I finally got through, ran down the stairs only to see the back of the train departing. Pissed off I sat and waited for the next train. And of course the only obnoxious female with the loudest music in her ear had to sit beside me. I finally got a train, got to 34st and I was 30 mins late. I'm sure Daphnee didn't believe my train story.  We then proceeded further uptown to Hell's Kitchen where we found the cutest little Mexican Restaurant, with what seems at the time, the best frozen margaritas. I had the mango with salted rims yummy! The food was great too, I had shrimp tacos and I swear that was the most shrimp I have ever gotten in a taco, but the catching up on the weeks events with Daphnee was amazing. I always have the best time with Daphnee, one of the sweetest, kindest, most genuine person I know, beautiful and unbiased kinda gal! After Dinner we hauled ass to the highlight of the evening's events...Now for those who didn't happen to see or hear from me during the week of my bday, then you might not know what I am talking about, but for those who have, then I know you guys were secretly jealous of the BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT a girl like me could ask for. Daphnee took me to go see a Broadway show and not just any show, MEMPHIS. Probably one of the best things I have experience in a long time. I was soo excited. The show was great and the evening was perfect. God, moments like these just makes me feel good to be alive and great to have wonderful people in my live, not to say that if we had gone to MacDonald's or White Castle it wouldn't have been equally as special. It would have been. This btw was my first Broadway show and you were right Daphnee I think I am now addicted and I think we need to go see many more.

..And you love me, Because?

So I kinda felt like it was the full moon because my day went in series of events....

First up: I slept for nine hours and I really didn't feel like leaving the bed...(yea big sign of what to come)

Secondly: got to work and Kevin wasn't waiting...ummmm!
Thirdly: I felt like I needed some Vitamin C (yea big problem when that happens)
Fourthly: ...Mark was in an expectionally great mood.
Fifth: I got cussed out by Bill( the local drunk who told me that I was a condescending arrogant fucking bitch). See if you know me, and Bill, at this point you would be apologizing for Bill..He is kinda a DRUNK IN A BIG WAAY. (story that will come to you guys later..it was hilarious and for no reason, sorry Bill you are waay too old for me).
Sixth: Some weird guy came in and wanted GREY GOOSE ina  glass, when I said umm, on the rocks he said yea whatever.
Seventh: I said the to weird guy " that will be eleven dollars" he said his credit card is not working.....he paid me eventually and tipped me a  WHOLE dollar BIG WHOOP!
Eight: I walked home and was enjoying the walk so I went to Rope...had a great time, my now favorite bartender was working.
Ninth: Axel txt me to see if I wanted a bed? (umm really dude)
Tenth:...drinking my jameson and went home...yea best part ever


So I guess my night turned out to be a sucky kinda night....How was your night? Please let me know IF it was waaay better. I will feel better about myself if you have the worst night ever...ha ha , just kidding.

Have a great St Paddy's day EVERYONE!!!!

It should be peoplekind and not mankind.......

So its 7:22 am and I can't sleep. So much is on  my mind that I feel I need to get paid just to be up and thinking. Speaking of which I was told a story the other day which is still bothering me. So it was a typical friday night, and my girl Tiffany was over my house, and I was doing some spring cleaning as usual. I decided to redecorate my room to make it more comfortable or at least to rid myself of the January and February blues. Anyway, I am really not trying to stare from the conversation at hand. Now Tiffany, being as fly and as lovely as she is, brought a 6 pack and we got to vibing. Now a lil background about Tiff, she is a dancer and she also teaches dance to an after school program. You know trying to get the kids to learn or interact more outside of school( this is for those who aren't sure of what an after school program is) he he. Anyways, we were talking about cultures and races and what is it that we feel is necessary to make people more aware and more proud of who they are. It was a long topic, waaaay too long for my writing. She then got to telling me a story that she heard in her class. She over heard a little black/African-American girl, telling a little white/Caucasian boy a "joke" that a little white/Caucasian girl, told her,

African-American girl: Why is Black People always moving to the left, to the left?
Caucasian Boy: Why?
African-American Girl: Because they gots no rights.
(btw Black people aren't always moving to the left. I only knew about that from that Beyonce's song or should I say Neyo's writing).

Now see if I was Tiffany I think I would be frozen to the ground. But Tiffany being all things great, scolded her and told her not to repeat that joke again. Because she is "Black People" and if so be the case then she "gots no rights".

Now this makes me sad. This is 2011 people, in NYC!!!! Do we really need to go there with our kids? Shouldn't we at least know better, seeing that we are living in one of the most progressive cities in the world? Shouldn't we know how, in the least, to educate our kids? If you haven't gotten the memo: They are our future and we have to teach them well so they can lead the way. I mean I have seen and done a lot of things in my life (heh heh), but the one thing I know how to do is love everyone individually and not as a nation or race. (I mean some people I don't care too much for, come on I'm human, but I don't hate them). I mean I truly believe that the only race God made(or whatever you all believe in, I believe in God so I have to use him) was The Human Race. Then why I do asked, we practice so much hate? I mean  gee weez when will this end? When are we gonna learn to educate on loving everyone as human beings? Is it ever gonna end?.  I was recently reading this article online and it opened my mind so much to the point where I had a whole new take on racism.

The article I was reading is from YKHong. http://ykhong.com/whiteness.pdf.  This is a very good read by the way). There was a line in his article that reminded me of this situation and I quote: "I would rather know something is blatantly racist than have to do a double-take and think about it for a while.When a white person stops thinking they have white privilege or that they are no longer a part of racism, when they say they are "progressive or radical" and believe they are one of the "cool white people," when they surround themselves with people of color, and think it's okay for them to enter spaces for people of color because they are escorted by them, when we as people of color enable this, when they have the language
to talk about racism and anti-racism, is when racism becomes the most lethal". IS WHEN RACISM BECOMES THE MOST LETHAL. He went on to say and I quote " With the  "cool white person",  it is harder to pinpoint and less likely someone will call them out because of the trappings of "political correctness". Often, because they separate themselves from the gunrack whites and surround themselves with people of color, or live in "the ghetto", they feel they do not have white privilege".

I am by no means attacking the white race so pardon me if you think this is where this is going, I am just merely stating a point of view that I haven't heard in a long time and which I think is true and refreshing.
All I am saying parents, and this goes for all races (human race), make sure you think before you educate your kids. Sometimes its the little things we do or say when we think they are not watching or listening that will make a big impact on them.
 Just remember there is only one father up above and he made only one race; The Human Race. Yes I stole that from secret millionaires but it is so true. Have a wonderful and productive day.

This is by no means my words but I feel its a good moment to just put it out there.....

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. SOMETIMES THEY ACT UP AND FORCE YOU TO TAKE A STAND.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled,
THEIR WORK IS DONE. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to MOVE ON.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come
to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season .

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  IT IS SAID THAT LOVE IS BLIND BUT FRIENDSHIP IS CLAIRVOYANT.

Thank you for being a part of my life the reasons and the seasons. Lifetime we ride...thank you for being a friend.

Life is all about realizing a situation and moving on. If it's broken and you can't fix it, sometimes it's just better to put the broken TV set on the side of the road and just go get a new one.

As always,
Sleepless

What a diffrence a day makes.....

Woke up yesterday morning to the screams of my roommate, I went to the kitchen and the kitchen ceiling caved in and water everywhere. I tried to get someone to cover my shift but that was to no end so I went to work. Only to find out that the basement at my job was overflowing with water from a busted pipe. Ummm...is this a trend? Then I got some bad news about a certain situation, which I will not go into at this time, but all I know is that  a certain someone is A BITCH!!!!. (And that Karma is already knocking on her door and she has done too many wrongs so she is afraid to look out the window...Open the door BITCH!). Made no money last night or better yet as much as I would have wanted to break even...sucks!!! Then around 12:20 am, I discovered that my keys to the restaurant and my apartment were all the way in Harlem.( Long story actually its shorter than you think but I dont wanna go into it). Now I am not that concerned about the restaurant coz lets face it, the manager and owner lives a few blocks away and will be there in a second to protect whats important. I was more concerned about my keys to my home and how I would get in seeing as though none of my roommates where home. Luckily one of my roommates were in the area and I could get her keys to get in. This cost me a $12 cab fare ride which I ONLY tip the poor bastard coz I felt bad for him to be driving me around. (he was very grateful). I finally got home to find that the roof in the kitchen was fixed but there is another spot that is starting to leak. WTF???? I think our landlord should comp our rent for the next two months for the inconvenience, I'm just saying. And with all that happened that day I was finally safe in my bed and ready to pass out when I found a bump in my nose....JUST HORRIBLE!!! Oh and today I woke up and its snowing.....just great!!! January you are not a friend of mine. I hope February will be kinder. 

The Mission is possible

So my birthday is coming up in 2 months and I need a date for it. I mean a girl can wish right. I have been choosing the wrong guys for myself and no matter how hard I try I always seem to end up with the same type of guys. The mamas boys who always tend to be emotionally unavailable, or just liars even though I specifically tell each guy on the first date that I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. Yep never seems to happen. I think I have an invisible stamp on my forehead that says lie to me why dontcha. I cant seem to find  it. Anyways so back on track. I have decided (and solely for your reading purpose only, and not the fact that I am desperate to explore this city with an emotionally available hot man) to let you guys fix me up on blind dates, and in the whole sense of not trying to be selfish I will blog about the dates so you guys can live vicariously through me. I seriously don't know what it is that I am getting myself into. I like adventure so I know this will be fun and hopefully a date for my Birthday!!!! March 23.

I am doing this the "old fashion" way and I have never been on a blind date before so I think now would be a great time....
So here's the idea. I have no preference, color, race, religion or creed. If he is A straight male between the age of 32-40 and is emotionally available and would like to go on a date with me bring it on. I would like the concept of meeting for the first time on the date. I would also like to explore the city and not stay in my comfort zone, so if you know a great guy who likes to have fun and will be around for the 23rd of March 2011, let me know. Set the date up. I am available for dates Thursdays only ( I have a busy schedule and Thursdays will be the only time I will have available. SO HELP A SISTA OUT!!!! Bring on the boys.......
Yours Trully,
Taniesha

Another year, oops! Im older...

So this is twenty eleven...damn! man when did it get to the double digits and why do I still have the urge to say welcome to 2009? This year started off fuzzy but kinda exciting and kinda feeling like great things are about to happen. I mean I am left of the middle to whatever it is that I should have been doing or should have accomplished by now, but I feel alright. I feel kinda crazy and sane at the same time. I feel like I need to be in complete isolation and really not even seeing people outside my job. Then at the same time I miss my old friends and is shying away from meeting new ones. I feel like the ones I use to love I don't have much in common with anymore and the things I use to need I don't remember. So I'm about to be 32 in 2months and a week and why not celebrate that like its everyday? There's so many things I want to do for this year and I want to be wide awake for them. GONE are the days when I am too lazy to think and feel, to show emotions as to how I am feeling. I am sick of those days. I feel human-less and that's not how I want to spend this year. I want to be human again. I think this is the first time in my lifetime I have decided to make resolutions for a year. I think, before, I was too afraid of setting goals like the rest of you human beings. I didn't want to be so cliche, frankly I didn't want to associate myself with the norm. I am still not comfortable being around you normal folks but I also have decided to give you guys a chance. I mean how bad can you be? You seem to be functioning fine with your 9-5 jobs, and your fancy clothes, and the boring social circles of always trying to fit in, always going to the gym to loose that pound or two that is so destined to stay with you for the rest of your life, and I say try eating for a change and stop worrying about the weight you gain. Better yet STOP telling me about it. Oh yea so I will try it the normal way for at least as long as I can endure. It may or may not be for the rest of the year. SHOOT I'm just gonna promise until the end of the month. So let the new year begins and if you don't really understand what it is that you are reading, rest assure you are not alone. This is the ramblings of a tired bartender who wishes the economy would pick up already so people can spend more and I can once again work less.....Happy New Year you suckers!!!

Happy Hour at Thursdays....

It took me a while to get back to this place, but I am here and I am happy. It is before the beginning of a new year.

Life can be so scary, happy, sad, hopeful and lonely at times. It can be a bunch of nothing and at the same time a bunch of everything. I realized this as I was stuck in traffic in a cab heading to W48 17th st. It's just so simple, as everyone was waiting for me and me being late as usual. I mean I am always late and let's face it, sometimes I am late because I don't have the patience to wait for everyone else (oops secrets out), But most of the time I am late because I can't get myself out of the house.
But Thursday for some reason I was late and was really annoyed with myself because I somehow wanted to be nowhere else, but with my friends and certainly not stuck in traffic, on the FDR, listening to my cab driver telling me about the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center! No I would rather be chilling for happy hour, drinking red wine and chatting!....Anyways as I drowned out the sounds of the chatty cabby and watch the NYC skyline, I somehow reminded myself of why I am alive and why this journey has brought me to this.

I know it's weird but this year, unlike many of the other years, has gone by so quickly and I can't remember a single thing that I have done besides working and sleeping, and it made me kinda sad to know that 2010 will only be remembered by that, oh yea and the constant whining about a stupid "relationship" that was D.O.A. to begin with. Urgh!!!

So I let all that go and as I was just sitting in the back of the cab I began to smile and I think this was probably one of the best smiles I had smiled all year, and someone as in the form of something told me it was gonna be a good night, or maybe that stupid song was on the radio. Either way I was happy and when I finally met up with my friends it was the best evening yet.

The wine was great, my friends were all smiling, the braised beef short ribs was fantastically delicious, the dancing at the gay club was superb ( I danced as if I was still in college and thought life was just plain fun), the night wasn't as cold as the other ones and the hot sauce that I added to the cup of noddles (yes I still eat them at the end of every great night) was just as amazing as the night itself. The lips (though quite not attached to the body I had hoped for) was the beginning of other things to come!

Someone told me 2 days prior that the body does what the mind tells it. I am starting to fully understand the concept. And to be told today that I am always chippy, but that I seemed a lot "chippier" is a great compliment….

…….So as I welcome 2011, I made a resolution and it's a resolution that I really hope I will keep. This is to coin Thursdays as HAPPY HOUR THURSDAYS, and this I look forward to in hopes of sharing this with Daphnee!!

Here's to Thursday and every one there after!!!

Happy Holidays!!!!

As 2010 will have it,
Sleepless

I hate it when....

Now I'm sure we all have been through this time and time again.. These are situations I'm sure we get caught in  and we just sit there in shock and wonder how the fuck we got stuck. I decided to go through my days and make a list of all the shitty things ppl do to me daily, weekly, monthly or yearly and to keep them in mind, so I will never be caught off guard again.

1. I hate it when ppl interrupt me while eating. I really dont think anything that you have to tell me, that doesnt included any serious matter with my family or close friends, is worth me not eating.

2. I hate it when ppl assume they know you "well" even if they've only known you for a year or less, and they tell everyone things about you that happen in that time frame(year or less), as if to say that's all you. (shut the fuck up).

3. I hate it when ppl pick their teeth in front of me. Thats what a restroom is there for. (1001 ways to gross me out).

4.I hate drunk ppl. (I think im allowed to say that and I mean the ones who sit at your bar all evening and leaves a shitty tip. I mean the least you can do for me is to pay me to listen to your crap. you dont see me coming to your job and talking your ear off.

5. I want to stab extremely happy ppl in the neck with a dull pencil,one that is not sharp enough so I have to do it three times.

6. Boys who like to grab asses in clubs, bars or any where for that matter should DIE. I am very ashamed of your mothers.

7. Crying babies and obnoxious toddlers should be banned from going into public places.

8.Anyone who thinks all babies are cute.

9. I hate ppl who wont shut the fuck up. Yea just stop talking and breathe.

10. I hate bouncers or doormen. They think inside their shitty club or bar is a private heaven.

11. I HATE CHASE BANK.

12. I hate parents of crying babies or toddlers who are immune to their childrens behavior in  public..Please stay home with them.
to be continued....