There's so many things I want to say to you, but i'll just say goodbye......

Ok so Polona is coming to visit me in less than a month. This gave me the best idea in the world. To go on a 30 day cleanse. One month, (which I had already started) until the 24th of December 2010. Right in time for xmas and new years. I Taniesha Brown will not drink any form of alcoholic beverages and I will HOPE not be engaging in any smoking of the cigarettes. This is in hopes, of helping me, quit smoking. I really wanna do it before the new year begins and instead of making it a resolution I am gonna break it before 2011. So now I challenge myself into doing other things. Already I have picked up on the craft of being up in the morning and having breakfast. Eggs are always yummy and a great way to start the day. So no complaints there. I already found another job and so that's groovy. Umm lets see... I will wait for Polona to get here so I can indulge in the city as a reborn tourist. So Let the challenge begin, man I cant even believe its not even December yet. I have done this so many times but I now sucks coz I work in the business of drinking and smoking. They go hand in hand. But as I think about relapsing I will think about my health, for my kids and my kid's kids. I know I dont have any "yet" but one day I would like to be healthy for them. So in the mean time I will make them this promise. I know its gonna feel great after all. So christmas is a coming and the geese is getting fat!! Happy Holidays y'all.
off to bed!

A cause I hold dear to my heart

http://www.blackaids.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=678%3Ai-am-hiv-positive&catid=53%3Anews-2010&Itemid=120. This is such a powerful article and its one of the first that has been written to date. I read a lot about HIV and I try my best to help when I can. One of my favorite groups on facebook is Greater than AIDS. This is a positive(no pun) group that is very reassuring to the human race. I myself has been tested negative but I think that as long as we are living and is sexually active, theres no telling as to where, how and why this virus will strike. I say we can preach as much as we want to practice safe sex, but the reality of the situation is that we are human beings and theres no telling how a person react to a certain sexual situation. I urge us all though that we have to take our own sexual self in our own hands and be more vocal as to what it is that we want from our partners and in return do the same. Please check out Greater Than AIDS on facebook and become a member of the group. Remember the life you save could be your own.
Good afternoon. Finally I got some sleep last night....I know it wont be for long though!

Feed mawga dwag, dem tun round bite yu!!!!

Speak the truth and speak it well cause it what it will. He who hides the wrong he does, does the wrong things still. I vow to live my life as honest as possible, this way, on any given day, you can always find me with the truth. I find that not only is it a great exercise for the mind but also a great way for self growth. I find mostly these days I am getting two versions of ppl. The things they say and the things they do.(Sum wi eat aah drink wid yu aah behind dem sussuh pan yu, mi seh mi throw mi corn, mi nuh caal no fowl). To each his own. But always keep this in mind, If you live in a glass house don't throw stone.. Ha ha ha just getting a revelation here. Sometimes my A.D.D minds wonders into things that always, down the road, come true. Sometimes life gives you lemons, as in the form of everyday ppl, but thankfully this is just a way to weed out the vines to get to the roses. But hey on a lighter note, the eyes are truly the windows to the soul. So the next time you meet someone, look them dead in the eye for five (5) seconds. The reaction they give will reveal the true inner being. A lil thing I picked up along this journey of life. And this too shall pass!

My job makes your job look like dark chocolate on a hot day (poop).

So as funny as it seems my new job is awesome. Yea I work somewhere else too. Anyways the night started off as such, with not much to do and then it picked up. Luckily, coz I was starting to think that my bed was sounding better. So these lovely ppl came and sat in front of me. They were very nice and very sweet. They were all paired off. Three girls and three guys, so much so that at one point all of them were making out. I mean I'm sure its every bartenders dream to have ppl just making out in front of us (not). Its weird coz its always at the service station. Anyways they were doing great dancing and singing having a great time, drinking. There was this one couple who seemed to be very much into each other. ( I will now call them Sally and Ian) This was going on to the point were they were making out and Sally was standing up on the bar stool ( I guess coz she wanted to give Ian the full length of her tongue). The bouncer had to come over and tell Sally that the bar stool is for sitting only. Ha ha ha ha. To which at that point Ian gave me a look as if to say "what is wrong with Sally"? I shrugged it off coz you know, they were loving. I mean I didn't mind them, they were drinking and Ian even though British was tipping me quite lovely, so yea they coulda stayed and make out the whole night. Now the plot thickens, I came back from the kitchen only to find Sally with an OMG! look on her face and Ian was no where to be found and the other dude was like "no way" and sally was like "yea dude totally". So I said umm is there something I can do to help and Sally was like "You know that guy that I was here with? He totally left me in BK". I was like that's not possible he is probably outside smoking and she was like "nuh-uh he doesn't.  He just said to me that its late and he has to be up early and he has to go (this of course in his cute British accent). Omg its like our first date"!. I was like hold on a sec, you were on a first date, tonight, like literally right this minute with Ian? Sally said "yes we were out for like six hours tonight" and she responded saying the worst part about it was that "I was kinda gonna have sex with him tonight". This, still with the OMG look on her face!!! I couldn't helped but laugh, the other guy couldn't helped but laugh. He later pulled me aside and proclaimed that he wasn't in any way calling her a ho, but that statement was priceless. Ha ha ha ha. So Sally was bewildered, her lil friend (I will call Jen) was pissed. She actually went outside to cuss him (Ian) out. Ha ha OK, the rational person I am, I had to look at both sides of the story. I mean I wasn't quick to call Ian an asshole (even though he did an asshole thing) But Sally should know better, come on she is 26 ( and according to her "I am too old for this shit"). OK so the icing on the cake came in the form of a Text message sent from Ian (33) to Sally  stating that "he (Ian) didn't appreciate her friend (Jen) coming outside to cuss him out and threaten to "punch him in his face" after he had already said goodbye to everyone. Also these are not the type of ppl he wants to be around. Ha ha ha ha, at that point I was really cracking up and thinking I was gonna be punked or something to the sort. But there was no Ashton and  the crew. OK now Sally turned to me and said "Is White Castle still open" So I said yes its 24hrs. Sally Hi-fived her friend Jen(who cussed out the guy) and said yes I am so hungry and he didn't even take me to dinner. At that point I had to leave parting words with Sally. I said sweetie come on you should know next time that if you agree to a date then it should involve dinner and please don't make out with someone until the second date, and this should ONLY apply to you.They left with Sally saying " I can't wait for tomorrow to tell my bestie all about my night and of course to respond to the text from Ian (because I am too tired and drunk and hungry right now)".

P.s nobody's real names were used in the making of this blog. I don't know these ppl I saw them for the first time tonight. I only hoped to God they (Sally and Ian) didn't meet online. Sally went on that night to get her some White Castle and Ian went home that night to a different girl waiting for him in his bed. Jen danced the night away and is still swearing that she didn't threatened Ian. Jen boy is still laughing about the events of the night and cant wait to wake up in the morning to tell his friends about Jen's whoring friend. I was satisfied because they tipped me well and I got a blog to write from them. Ha ha ha ha.
Off to zzzzzzzzzzz

The best part of breaking up, finding someone else you cant get enough of?

Quitting anything is very hard.

So hard,  that in most cases,  you have to always find something else to pass the time or just to get you through it.

My fate, is almost always bigger than me.

I need to quit and it's so hard.

I will, however,  asked myself a few things to see if that helps.

When is the best time to quit?

Does it depends on what you're quitting?
Or just making up the mind to sticking to quitting will be enough?..

I, for one,  hate a quitter.
I think it's the easiest form of giving up.

Somethings in life are worth quitting though.

A bad job, A Stressful Relationship, A Cheating Boyfriend and yes SMOKING. (Yep it's the killer, the Hardest of the HARDS).

I have been wanting to for quite sometimes.
Been dreaming about it, been seeing myself doing it,  but somehow I ALWAYS ended up, in my window, enjoying the peace and quite and enjoying the comfort that, nothing seem to give me the pleasure, but a cigarette.

I am actually one of those unfortunate people who happens to love smoking cigarette for the worst possible reason.

For the comfort of the chemicals.

I enjoy it!

Wish I had a cigarette right now!

Anyways, so the countdown begins once again.  I have to quit this time, even if just for the pure sanity of saving myself, saving myself every two days from spending $13.25, on a pack of something that is clearly no good for me.

So in quitting cigarettes,  I am taking up cooking (when one door closes).

So day one is over and I think I've eaten everything I could possible find today. That and making a midnight run to the bodega, but for once, this time it wasn't to buy cigarettes it was to get more snacks to munch on.

God, I even sound nicotine deprived...

You know what?  Forget cooking.

I'm gonna try speed dating.

Ha!

Of course that is not me ,OFF to get some smokes
Shit!

I meant zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As sleeplessers do,

Sleepless

If you can't be with the ones you love..well shit you know the rest!!!!

Anyways I am all about the things that we can change and the things that we can't well I say they aren't worth it. So as always, I had a lovely lil night tonight. 80's music blaring in the background..Me and Axel getting drunk and requesting all there is 80's. Great fucking times. I LOVE THE LOVELIES that I have been blessed with. Its amazing the ppl that God has put in my life....So Will Smith says " You can tell how far in life you will go by the five ppl you spend the most amount of time with" I say fuck yea....so lets see, umm I have Polona, Emily, Chrissy, Axel and Daphnee. But anyways...I love how far I will go based on the fact that I know you guys will always have my back. So based on the fact that you guys are (and have been) getting your shit together, means a lot. OPPS I just realized I missed EDUARDO(he has been the bestest human being a girl could ask for, hey ED way to save the best for last). So I guess in my case I have 6 ppl..What the hell Will Smith????!!! There's 6 ppl not five ( HELLO 6 degrees of separation) and why did you just made me question myself and the ppl around me? Damn you Will Smith, with your superstar children and your HOT wife....I guess now you're on my list like Jeffrey Wright. How about you come in my bar and then we "Will" (no pun intended) talk...side note( If Will ever did, then my shitty bar will be the best bar ever)....I'm just saying...he he...anyways TO MY LOVELIES, have a great night and sleep well coz now I'm off to sleep and sleep it is....
Off to zzzzzzzzzzz

ummm in my case, you can always get what you want....

I went to an all girls boarding school for high school. There was always this sign on the cafeteria wall that says "Eat what you get until you get what you want". That use to bother the hell outta me, coz I was always thinking I'm eating what you mo fos give me, but when am I gonna get the shit that I need. It only took me this long in life to figure out that the things we need will only come to us when we get home. (Home is usually where you feel your best). I now know, that in life, you have to make the things you need be relevant to your lifestyle. Hence I have been doing such ever since and the satisfaction is that IT'S TRUE. I have to say I am one of those ppl that LOVES LIFE. I never understood how valuable that part of life was. So today  is a day all about me and everyday for that matter. I will enjoy it to the end. And I say why not? Life apparently is the longest thing you will ever live. So forget about people who say life is too short. They, obviously is not doing it right. Listen when I tell you this, if you don't live, every second, minute, hour, daily, monthly and yearly, it will be short. So enjoy it and everytime you have a revelation think of me, coz I am prolly having a life blowing moment as well. TO LIFE!!!
Off to zzzzzzzzzz

Life can be so wonderful if we just stop trying so hard....

Today was a day that could suck but actually was a perfect day...I came to the conclusion that I am in fact A.D.D. Yes I said it! So on any given day if I space the fuck out on things that may be important to you, well then just blame A.D.D. Perfect example on my way to work, like literally in front of the restaurant door, I discovered that I don't have the keys to open the door. The keys were in fact with my roommate who happens to be in Westchester. What did I do? I spaced out and then when I came to I made a few phone calls and undoubtedly I was in the restaurant and hour and fifteen minutes later...Funny! anyways Did I tell you that I got CUSSED out by Jeffrey Wright, who btw happens to love coming to my bar on Mondays to watch the game. So there I was  watching football, because I have to, seeing that its Monday night and that's my shift, with Jeffrey Wright. Just us two. and I didn't know he was a fan of the redskins coz I mean I don't know the guy I just knew him from TV and the many times he stops in the bar to annoy me! ( He is a wonderful actor....and I think some people may think he is a lovely guy) but my first encounter with him was him not tipping me so from then on, NOT A BIG FAN! Not to take anything from him though ( and once again A.D.D. kicks in) anyways where was I? let me scroll up. So yea BEST GAME EVER TONIGHT! Micheal Vick was on his game tonight and he scored a touch down in the first few minutes of the game, which I was in awe of,  so I started to big him up and saying how wonderful he was. Well after 4 touchdowns in the first quarter of the game and the Eagles leading 28-0. Jeffrey Wright started to condescendingly asking me if I knew what was happening in the game. So I said ummm the guy threw the ball and the other guy didn't catch it. He said to me, really, see you know nothing about the game and yet you're here cheering and laughing. I was like honestly I really don't know this game seeing  that I am Jamaican but I am actually watching it so I think I am allowed to cheer for the things I am seeing in front of me. Then he proceeded to EDUCATE me  on what was going on and I couldn't care less so he gave me this sad story about how Donovan Mcnabb was the one who told everyone to give him a chance so that he could be back on the eagles. To which I responded "ummm yea and with that chance he is taking it to kick his ass" I thought it was funny so I am now taking a moment to laugh. He he. So needless to say Jeffrey Wright Chill The Fuck Out. Its just Football.One thing for sure though he did tip me this time so yea Jeffrey you can come hang out with me any day. ha ha.You are a fabulous man who gets a lil heated when your team is not winning. Umm I wonder how he will do at the Oscars coz I know he is gonna be there one day. I guess only time will tell. Man I cant wait for Adrian Grenier to pop in and watch football with me.(YUMMY)!!! For him I will watch the damn game any day of the week. Actually I will enroll into football lessons. he he He only lives 2 block down. So until then I guess its back to watching it with Jeffrey. See you next week Monday and please a lil nicer attitude will be greatly appreciated. LOL
off to zzzzzzz

So my life sucks better than yours does.....

I just came back from the bar with EM....fucking weird night....needless to say we wont say what happened...lol. but anyways I sat in my window to have a cigarette break and just as I was lighting up some lady shouted to me saying that she is epileptic and she needs me to call 911...so I was like, ummm really, so I called my roomie and she got a hold of the situation and call 911.....told the lady to sit on the curb and wait...all this time we were both in our window...man at first I was thinking here's a drunk soul that needed to go home..but then given that its not summer and its fall she should know better? so she laid there and waited. sure enough minutes later a fire truck and an ambulance showed up....it took 6 men to get her ass on the gurney. the fire truck left coz they were being just as condescending and then after the smoke break they all left....seriously ppl dont got ppl that will support them?....life as we know it is fucked....well she is in good hands now and I am off to zzzzzzzzz or drinking which ever gets me there first.....and EM, tonight will be a night that we definitely have to catch up on, with me telling you that, and you telling me that, and then theres the crazy bar man who makes the drinks....shouldnt that be enough for whatever else has to go on for this week? but its probably not gonna be like that. So again more blogs to come...he he!!

off to zzzzzzz

A Friend Of A Friend Of Mine, Says I've Been On His Mind.

I can’t sleep so I decided to blog, this is probably the most common form of starting a blog. Needless to say mine starts now. Is it really necessary to know why people blog? Isn't it just better to know that while you can't sleep you can have something to read about,  from someone whom may or may not know what the hell they are talking about?  Rest assure you can feel safe in your world, coz atleast you have the company of sleeping.


I am a bartender and  and while it can be one of the best jobs in the world,  because you get to meet  people from all walks of life, that usually start out as very nice people and with a few drinks in them, you get to see the real assholes that they usually all are. So anyways as of today I promise to enlighten you on things that fascinates me and when I say things that fascinates me it means everything. From boredom, I just spent the last hour online trying to find a guy that may or may not be still alive, may or may not be happily married and may or may not want to be found especially from someone who is up, with nothing to do, trying to find him. Wait is that the definition of a stalker? Who's to say, all I know is that I am bored and from my boredom comes his paranoia. I will let you know how that turns out.


So welcome to my blog, and as I say this, I mean welcome to my life! If you choose to join in and follow me then you my friends are getting ready for the weird world of my life and in doing so you might just read one or three of your stories here!!

N.B. names and locations may or may not change depending on how I feel at the moment…
off to get some zzzzzz

Sleepless in the city.